Ms. Conservatism: Ann Coulter

No one riles the Hate-America Left, otherwise known as the Democratic Party, like Ann Coulter. Writer of five best-selling books, Ms. Coulter is back in 2007 with her latest If Liberals Had Brains, They'd Be Republicans, a collection of quotations lifted from her weekly columns, books, speeches, interviews, and television appearances. The book does not disappoint, as it is filled with witty phrases and words with which to skewer liberals when the dinner conversation turns to politics. While the book is hilarious, it is also somewhat sad, for there is too much truth in Ann's depiction of liberals and their nutty worldview. It is disheartening, to say the least, that America is such a "target-rich environment" for Ms. Coulter's sharp pen. These people actually believe in liberalism, that "ism" steeped in naivety, emotionalism, indignation and (pseudo) outrage.

The book is a handbook of "Coulter-isms" -- funny quotations and one-liners about specific liberals and their sacred issues. From abortion to Ted Kennedy to racial profiling, Ms. Coulter attacks all and spares none. The quotations are sorted into categories, mini-chapters with titles such as "Baby-Killing: Abort Liberals, Not Children" and my personal favorite "Teddy Kennedy: Fat, Drunk and Stupid Is A Way to Go Through Life."

Ms. Coulter comes out swinging in the introduction, entitled "Liberals and The Woman Who Hates Them"-- "Uttering lines that send liberals into paroxysms of rage, otherwise known as 'citing facts,' is the spice of life." Ms. Coulter then offers the reader 269 pages of pure spice.

Abortion, the reason for the modern day Democratic Party, is a favorite target of Ms. Coulter. Apparently, according to Ann, abortion has evolved and is now a synonym for civil rights: "What Democrats mean by 'civil rights' is the civil right of a woman not to inform her husband she's aborting his baby; the civil right of a minor to have an abortion without notifying her parents; the civil right of a woman to plunge a fork into the head of a child as it struggles through the birth canal because it has a cleft lip. That's 'civil rights.'" Ouch.

Based on their policies, Chairman Ann finds Democrats to be total racists: "With their infernal racial set-asides, racial quotas, and race-norming, liberals share many of the Klan's premises. The Klan sees the world in terms of race ethnicity. So do liberals!" The "boost-up" or "leveling of the playing field" is nothing more than covers for liberals' belief that blacks cannot compete with whites without help.

From prominent libs to libs' pet causes, Ann Coulter takes on each in hilarious and biting fashion.

On Muslims:

"Muslims are the only group who kill because they're angry people have called them violent."

"Inasmuch as liberals are demanding that Americans ritualistically proclaim 'Islam is a religion of peace,' Muslims might do their part by not killing people all the time."

On Morality and Liberals:

"The Chappaquiddick incident seems to have colored the morals of the entire Democratic Party. The party has become practiced at defending the indefensible. One can imagine Bill Clinton thinking to himself in 1998, Screw it, if Teddy could ride out Chappaquiddick, I'll be damned if I'm going to resign over Monica."

On Al Gore:

"Gore always comes out swinging just as an issue is about to go south. He's the stereotypical white guy always clapping on the wrong beat. He grew a beard-- just in time for an attack on the nation by fundamentalist Muslims...This guy is always jumping into the mosh pit at the precise moment the crowd parts."

On Jimmy Carter (and keeping the nation safe):

"Here's a foolproof method for keeping America safe. Always do the exact 180-degree opposite of whatever Jimmy Carter says as quickly as possible."

On the Confederate Flag:

"It is Democrats who have turned the Confederate flag into a federal issue, because they relish nothing more than being morally indignant. Not about abortion, adultery, illegitimacy, the divorce rate, or a president molesting an intern and lying to federal investigators...Democrats stake out a clear moral position only on the issue of slavery. Of course, when it mattered, they were on the wrong side of that issue, too."

On the War on Terror Strategy:

"We know who the homicidal maniacs are. They are the ones cheering and dancing right now. We should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity. We weren't punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed entire German cities; we killed civilians. That's war. And this is war." If only the men in Congress and the White House had the cajones of Ann Coulter.

This book is a must for any politico of any stripe. Conservatives will nod in agreement and laugh out loud. Liberals, those whose heads do not explode, will get what they lustily long for: an opportunity to feel offended and aggrieved, while braying and pontificating about the need for targeted hate crime prosecutions of a certain witty and leggy blonde.

I don't expect many conversions from reading this book. Connecting liberals with facts presented in a funny and satirical manner is a bit nuanced for them. Besides, Ms. Coulter has already explained how liberals evolve into conservatives: "Historically, the best way to convert liberals is to have them move out of their parents' home, get a job, and start paying taxes."